Inter-caste Marriage and Patriarchal Society

Posted on Updated on

It was 2004, I was studying in Assam University,Silchar. I was in a rented house at Irongmara. Being a Muslim it was very tough to manage a rented house in the said area. My friend Santu, suggested me to use my nickname ‘Suman’ to get a house, I did so and got the room. The land lady was very affectionate.

Just few days before the Durga Puja, my birthday was celebrated very auspiciously and most interestingly as per the Hindu tradition. I wore Dhuti-Kurta, my room was decorated according to the Hindu mythology. My classmates and friends attended the function and gifted me lots of books, pens and show-pieces etc. They made the day immortal in my memory. My best friend who decorated the room with flowers and colorful balloons, wore a cherry red sharee. My land lady was passing comment “These two will be perfect couple!” We were happy and smiled each other. We became very close to each other during the Durga Puja, Mahalaya’s Prabhat Ferry was something exceptionally delighted to us.

One day suddenly, I came back to Guwahati and never visited Assam University and Irongmara. I lost every connections with my classmates and even with her too. We had never been couple!

Today, after 8 years, this Durga Puja asking me some odd questions. If we were really been couple? Were we been perfect couple or worst one? Would it be possible for me to refrain my self from religious affiliations? Would it be possible to me to honor her religious identity? Or what would our child’s religious inclination? his/her surname? etc etc..

I know, great thinker like Dr. Ambedkar also advocated inter-caste marriage and feast to combat untouchability and castism in India. Many state governments have initiated incentives for inter-caste marriage. After knowing all this how my mind dares to think such negativity??

You may summarily reject my negative thinking or can throw me to the hell of insanity, conservatism and even religious fundamentalism. But you can’t undermine the sufferings a girl.

Again, with due respect and apology to your secular setup, I would like to request you to wetness my imaginary conflict in my mind-

Say, I were in deep love with best friend, we were crazy for each other. We were ready to renounce the world for each other. Friend, family, religion and even society were not any big hurdle to our love. One day we got married as the provision of special marriage Act. Her family boycotted her forever, her society imposed an infinitive ban on her. I took her to our family. Though I was not sure, but my family accepted her! I felt proud (How liberal my family was!). Like a good bride she was learning each and every practices of our family. Knowingly or unknowingly I was ignoring all these process. Some times I thought there is nothing wrong if she acquires all those and sometimes I felt guilty, perhaps she thinks “Our marriage has come to grief because of you”. My mind was dwelling like a pendulum. I was in a great dilemma! Perhaps, Socio-cultural obligation has bounded me severely, I couldn’t stare at her. I do not want to rewind my memory to those romantic days. I feel ashamed, I am forced to think “Have I made a mistake 8 years back?”

Today, after 8 years, when she visits a Puja Mondap along with our little angel, I do not feel happy. I head off towards the complains of my family members. I diktat her not to visit any Puja Pandels, but to enjoy Bakri Eid.

Yes, in my imaginary battle, I was defeated by the norms of patriarchal society, I coudln’t honor her religious identity and most significantly, I couldn’t to give a secular identity to our child.

Thank God, we have never been couple. I wish she is happy as she was 8 years back. At the same time, I salute all those who have saved their love from the aggression of religion and norms of patriarchy society.

15 thoughts on “Inter-caste Marriage and Patriarchal Society

    cutie said:
    February 23, 2014 at 11:22 am

    insaan apne guno se upar uthta hai unche staan pr baith jane se nhi..caste n community created by NUT people jin logo ko khud ko dusro se shreshth batane ke liye apne aapko ek high community mein rakh liya or dusro ko niche dikhane ke liye lower community mein rakh diya gaya bina unki marzi jane…i want to tell to all bloody hindu people community ye decide nhi kregi bastard ki tum kitne high or low ho…tumhare karam tumhe upar or niche girane wale hai…arre gadho god ne insaan banaye hai caste nhi…gadho aisa hota toh christan or muslim mein bhi aise hi char community hoti bt tum log unko as all christan n as all muslim hi bolte ho…tum bloody hindu logo ne khudh hi apne bando ko khudh se alag kr diya…char community hai hindu mein let me explain it to very well suno gadho…hindu ko as a body lo us body ke char hisse tum gadho ne kiye 1st brahmin jisko sir ka staan diya or kshatriye ko bhuja or vaishya ko pait ka or tum sabki favorite community shudr jisko per ka staan diya….ab gadho batao agr per kat doge toh kya apni manzil ki taraf tunde ho ke jayoge tum sb apahiz ho yaad rkhna..agr hmari body ka ek part bhi kat jaye toh hum apahiz kehlate hai toh tum bloody hindu khudh apahiz ban chuke ho..ek bade se bada brahmin or devta bhi jb apne maa baap ntmastak hone ke liye sir jhukata hai toh woh uske charno ko choone ke liye toh akal ke andho sabse uncha staan toh shudr log prapt kr chuke hai…tum nhi tum gire huye ghatiya egoist bande ho jisko god bhi narak mein dalega….i m also brahmin bt i hate castsim okh….say no to community n caste den reservation should be stop itself…abroad isliye develop kr raha hai bcs unka mind indian ghatiya logo ki tarah nhi hai especially katar hindu..1000 saal baadh bhi india mein koi development nhi hogi yeh aise hi high low ke liye hi mrte rahenge…we all r hindu idiot we all r same koi lower or high caste nhi hai..

    cutie said:
    February 23, 2014 at 11:23 am

    All stupid people living in India that’s why this country cant be develop anymore as the other countries are well developed. Bcoz indian people live in caste-ism and egoist by nature especially who belong to upper class which is created by themselves not created by God.God only created human being..He didnt put any human in high and low category..This cheap things only created by some bastard itself who live in India..and they be proud by called themselves hindu..I am also hindu but i wanna spit on that every person who proudly said they are hindu but their thinking is so narrow minded..now its depend on human what they want to become Devil or Angel..Nobody is lower and higher by caste or religion..they become high and low by their behavior..Reservation should be stop itself when you all leave this stupid casteism..Say no caste and no community..All are hindu who live in hindustaan understood idiot people..

    cutie said:
    February 23, 2014 at 11:23 am

    Hindu (body) four community: brahmin (head) kshatriya (arm) vaishya (belly) shudra (feet) All these four communit called as hindu. We all are parts of one body. Without each part our body is not complete. If we lost one part of our body then we become handicap. The human body is the entire structure of a human being. Human Body is considered so loving that God even wants to have it. Spiritual Yogis have found that after going through the 84 millions species this souls get the most dignified human body. So it is the last step to explore the God or to get the view of almighty father god. We know that the soul never dies it takes birth again and again just like as we take new clothes to wear the soul as it takes new body and it is an infinite process. But the body what we get in next birth depend on our karma that thas been cited in Gita by Lord Krishna to Arjuna. We all here to perform our duties. Our action makes our destiny and nothing else. The result is in the hand of supreme power. Karma is the seed of plant and if the seed is genuine it must be fruitful.

    cutie said:
    February 23, 2014 at 11:24 am

    Many a time, man has taken birth in high caste and low caste; but this does not make him great or low

    Having been born in high caste man thinks himself to be great and being born in low caste thinks himself to be low and pitiable; both of these states of mind are wrong because many times man has been born in high and low castes. Hence, one should not be proud of having been born in high caste and not feel low if born in low caste family.

    Greatness has nothing to do with high caste. Man becomes great because of his noble work, exemplary character and becomes loathsome because of his immorality and evil conduct. Thus, it is his conduct only that decides his greatness or lowliness. Who does not know that high family born Ravana, Kansa, Duryodhana and others are censurable; whereas Metarya muni, Harikeshi muni and others, though born in low family, are venerable.

    Then, what is the importance of high or low caste?

    cutie said:
    February 23, 2014 at 11:24 am

    We always talk about religion and castesim but in reality there is no any caste and religion. We all are same our blood are same.then why we believe in discrimination. God never created any caste they made simple human being..caste and community only created by stupid people who are mentally sick and had fear in their heart bcoz if they will not choose higher place for themselves then other people going to defeat them and going to put them down..bocz they don’t have believe on themselves and their own work..they have doubt own their capability..they always think negative we cnt do hard work if other person give their best then they must be achieve something better than them..by creating high and low community and even not asked to any people wh are coward they put themselves to higher community…bcoz they are coward and they to protect themselves…

    cutie said:
    February 23, 2014 at 11:24 am

    Hindu religion devided into four community….but again I m saying to all stupid people who living in india..caste and community only created by mentally sick people and who follow them they have something problem in their mind..four community name are Brahmin,kshatriya,vaishya,shurda…and its surprising we all India dnt know the exactly meaning of these four words..let me explain to you..brahmin means not that who born in high class..koi janam se uncha or nicha nhi hota hai.brahmin mean jo god ko janta hai usko apne samne dekha ho jisse brahma ka pata ho or apne acche karam se jana jaye na ki apni jaat se..agr Brahmin hone pr insaan ke karam gandhe hai toh who insaan ashudh mana jata hai who pavitr aatma nhi hoti hai…Kshatriya ka matlb hota hai weh yodha jo mantvta ki raksha hetu apne angg angg ko katva de..samks praniyon ki raksha ke liye apni jaan kurbaan kr de or apne karam pr ghamand na dikhaye..Vaishya who hote hai jo apne kaam mein emaan dikhaye koi chori chakari na kre..apne kaam ko galat tareeqe se na kre..emaan ki kamai ko khaye haraam ki kamai ko haath na lagaye..Shudra ka matlb hota hai shudh or pavitr aatma….jis bande ke ander koi moh, maya, krodh or ahnkaar tak nhi hai jiska aacharn shudh ho or karam shudh ho wohi sacha shudra hai..jo apne karam par purn vishwaas rake…jiske karam ache nhi man mein ahnkaar hai who shudra nhi mana ja sakta hai..agr tum log shudra ko pero ka sathaan dete ko toh or unhe neecha mante ho toh kanjke pujna bandh kr do unke peron (feet) ko dohna unki puja krna bandh kr do..kisi devi devta ke mandir ja kr natmastak na ho or apne mata pita ke peron ko choo ke ashiwadh lena bandh kr do

    cutie said:
    March 17, 2014 at 7:10 am

    We always talk about religion and castesim but in reality there is no any caste and religion. We all are same our blood are same.then why we believe in discrimination. God never created any caste they made simple human being.. Mentally sick people take the path of fundamentalism and spread casteism and communism. They suffer from inferiority complex and divide the society into “we” and “they”. They (belonging either to higher or lower ranked caste) have a fear in their heart that if they do not get a higher place for themselves in society, “other” people are going to exploit them and going to put them down.They don’t have believe on themselves and their own work. They have doubt own their capability. People with negative mindset suffer from inferiority complex and divide society into compartments like higher castes or lower castes.and can’t tolerate “others” progress or well-being. They cannot work hard and cannot tolerate anybody else’s achievements. These are the people with negative mindset who believe in ranking some belonging to higher castes and/or some to lower castes. They are coward and they are unable to protect themselves…

    cutie said:
    March 17, 2014 at 7:11 am

    Hindu religion devided into four community..but again I m saying to all stupid people who living in india..caste and community only created by mentally sick people and who follow them they have something problem in their mind.four community name are Brahmin, kshatriya,vaishya,shurda. And its surprising we all India dnt know the exactly meaning of these four words..let me explain to you..brahmin means not that who born in high class..koi janam se uncha or nicha nhi hota hai.brahmin mean jo god ko janta hai usko apne samne dekha ho jisse brahma ka pata ho or apne acche karam se jana jaye na ki apni jaat se..agr Brahmin hone pr insaan ke karam gandhe hai toh who insaan ashudh mana jata hai who pavitr aatma nhi hoti hai…Kshatriya ka matlb hota hai weh yodha jo mantvta ki raksha hetu apne angg angg ko katva de..samksh praniyon ki raksha ke liye apni jaan kurbaan kr de or apne karam pr ghamand na dikhaye..Vaishya who hote hai jo apne kaam mein emaan dikhaye koi chori chakari na kre..apne kaam ko galat tareeqe se na kre..emaan ki kamai ko khaye haraam ki kamai ko haath na lagaye..Shudra ka matlb hota hai shudh or pavitr aatma….jis bande ke ander koi moh, maya, krodh or ahnkaar tak nhi hai jiska aacharn shudh ho or karam shudh ho wohi sacha shudra hai..jo apne karam par purn vishwaas rake…jiske karam ache nhi man mein ahnkaar hai who shudra nhi mana ja sakta hai..agr tum log shudra ko pero ka sathaan dete ko toh or unhe neecha mante ho toh kanjke pujna bandh kr do unke peron (feet) ko dohna unki puja krna bandh kr do..kisi devi devta ke mandir ja kr natmastak na ho or apne mata pita ke peron ko choo ke ashiwadh lena bandh kr do..

    cutie said:
    March 17, 2014 at 7:12 am

    All stupid people living in India that’s why this country cant be develop anymore as the other countries are well developed. Bcoz indian people live in caste-ism and egoist by nature especially who belong to upper class which is created by themselves not created by God.God only created human being..He didnt put any human in high and low category..This cheap things only created by some mad people itself who live in India..and they be proud by called themselves hindu..I am also hindu but I feel bad when every person who proudly said they are hindu but their thinking is so narrow minded..now its depend on human what they want to become Devil or Angel..Nobody is lower and higher by caste or religion..they become high and low by their behavior..Reservation should be stop itself when you all leave this stupid casteism..Say no caste and no community..All are hindu who live in hindustaan understood..

    cutie said:
    March 17, 2014 at 7:12 am

    Whenever someone’s ask you about your caste then your answer should be to them is:
    I am a Brahmin in knowledge,I am kshatriya in valor,I am vaishya in business,I m shudra in service..In the end I am just sanatam dharmi hindu and nothing else..Then say you proud to be a hindu..

    cutie said:
    March 17, 2014 at 7:13 am

    All human-beings are equal in the eyes of God.The human-beings have only created the caste system.There are good and bad people in both high caste as well as low caste.Ultimately,what matters to God is, whether one is a good person or striving to become one, or not.

    cutie said:
    March 17, 2014 at 7:13 am

    One who thinks himself to be of a high caste is actually low. While one who thinks himself/herself to be of low caste is said to be high caste.As per the scriptures, people are known by their nature and the quality of work they perform..

    cutie said:
    March 17, 2014 at 7:14 am

    insaan apne guno se upar uthta hai unche staan pr baith jane se nhi..caste n community created by mad people jin logo ko khud ko dusro se shreshth batane ke liye apne aapko ek high community mein rakh liya or dusro ko niche dikhane ke liye lower community mein rakh diya gaya bina unki marzi jane…i want to tell to all mad hindu people community ye decide nhi kregi ki tum kitne high or low ho…tumhare karam tumhe upar or niche girane wale hai…arre god ne insaan banaye hai caste nhi…n listen aisa hota toh christan or muslim mein bhi aise hi char community hoti bt tum log unko as all christan n as all muslim hi bolte ho…tum katar hindu logo ne khudh hi apne bando ko khudh se alag kr diya…char community hai hindu mein let me explain it to very well ok…hindu ko as a body lo us body ke char hisse tum stupid logo ne char hiso mein describe kiya ..1st brahmin jisko sir ka staan diya or kshatriye ko bhuja or vaishya ko pait ka or tum sabki favorite community shudr jisko per ka staan diya….ab gadho batao agr per kat doge toh kya apni manzil ki taraf tunde ho ke jayoge tum sb apahiz ho yaad rkhna..agr hmari body ka ek part bhi kat jaye toh hum apahiz kehlate hai toh tum stupid hindu khudh apahiz ban chuke ho..ek bade se bada brahmin or devta bhi jb apne maa baap ntmastak hone ke liye sir jhukata hai toh woh uske charno ko choone ke liye toh akal ke andho sabse uncha staan toh shudr log prapt kr chuke hai…tum nhi tum gire huye ghatiya egoist bande ho jisko god bhi narak mein dalega….i m also brahmin bt i hate castsim okh….say no to community n no caste den reservation should be stop itself…abroad isliye develop kr raha hai bcs unka mind indian ghatiya logo ki tarah nhi hai especially katar hindu..1000 saal baadh bhi india mein koi development nhi hogi yeh aise hi high low ke liye hi mrte rahenge…

    cutie said:
    March 17, 2014 at 7:14 am

    Inter caste marriage should be encourage..bcoz if people take this step then castesim and religion based discrimination should be stop itself..we all are human being..God never created any caste and religion..even God dnt has any caste and religion…did you know that God belong to which caste and religion..then keep shut your mouth about this stupid varan system and caste system okh.. In ancient times, caste system had the seeds of liberalism. It provided the right and opportunity to get to the top from the humblest origin and earn the respect of the whole society. For example, Vashishtha, the principal of the conservative school of Brahmanism, was the son of Uravshi, a prostitute. Vishwamitra, the maker of the very Gayatri Mantra, the quintessence of the Vedic Brahmanism, was a Kshatriya. Aitreya, after whom the sacramental part of Rig-Veda is named as Aitreya Brahamana, was the son from a non-Aryan wife of a Brahman sage. Vyasa of Mahabharata fame was the son of a fish-woman and he was not ashamed of his origin. Balmiki, an untouchable according to present standards, the original author of Ramayana, is highly respected all over India..And only you can make it good or bad this inter caste marriage. Depends upon how much importance u give to these meaningless and stupid values. And how much importance u give to other people who value these meaningless things. U have to see how much u urself r attached to other people opinions. And since u r asking for opinion, it means u r attached to these meaningless things.

    cutie said:
    April 28, 2014 at 7:41 am

    Whole world think that India has many castes which are main reason of discrimination of people but its very very big misconception of caste system spread around the world to defame culture of India because it was the biggest systematically designed system for people from thousands of years. Now let me tell you what is meaning of varna and caste system in India and how its was started. In Ancient India there were two great saints, one was saint Bhrigu and other was saint Bhardwaj. They met to discuss how to structure a stable society for human being to live proper life, First they recognized the four sources which are:
    1. Knowledge 2. Weapons 3. Wealth 4. Land
    They decided to make system where nobody has more than one of that. These should not be in one hand, not even two should be in one hand. So those who has knowledge will not have wealth, will not have weapons and will not have lands. Those who will have weapons will rule the country but they will not make policy. They need to go to people having knowledge to seek their permission and advice. Those who are having wealth, their social status will be decided by the how much philanthropy they do not by their wealth. Those who has lands have to produce for the society. In fact none of these four category or “varna” was based on by birth.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s